Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
