My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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