We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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