Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I faked an abortion last night.
too bad you live with your parents still
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
