I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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