So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
