She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
