and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize