I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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