That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
