have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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