Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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