Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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