I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
The best revenge is premature balding
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Randomize
