I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
