so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Randomize
