The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
