Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
