yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
My feet surprised me
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
