Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
