Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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