I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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