That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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