my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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