I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
