can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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