Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Drunk is a universal language darling
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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