I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
