I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
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Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
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It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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