Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
