hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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