I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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