today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
