Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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