I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
