Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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