i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
