Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
