ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
