Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Randomize
