This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
