it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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