I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
