last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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