This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
