dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
