she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
