Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
