Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
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I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
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me + whiskey = a bad person
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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