white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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