Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
