just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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