I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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