dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
