Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
