Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
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You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
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He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
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