the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
It's shark week go big or go home
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
