i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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