youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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