last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I need to sanitize my soul.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
