I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
