Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
FUCK WHALES
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