Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
