I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I am one with the molecules
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
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