Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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