If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
