Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
